Jokes

[Warmo]

Here are some jokes for all you Holden fans:

SPEED KILLS
Drive a Ford and live forever.

Ashes to ashes,
Dust to dust,
If is wasn't for Ford
our tools would be rust.

Q: How do you double the value of a Ford?
A: Put gas in it.

Q: How is a golf ball different from a Ford?
A: You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.

Q: Why are there footpaths beside streets?
A: So Ford owners have a safe place to walk home.

F O R D
Found On Rubbish Dumps
Fix Or Repair Daily
Fails On Rainy Days
Fails On Race Day
Found On Roadside Dead
Factory Ordered Road Disaster
Factory Ordered Rebuilt Datsun
Flip Over Read Directions
Four Old Rusted Doors
Ford Owner Really Dumb

Or in reverse...

D R O F
Drivers Return On Foot
Don't Ride Over Fifty
Danged Roaches Outrun Ford
Datsun Rules Over Ford

[jpsauto]

:D Cool these are sooooooo funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[garyo]

i like the jokes i shall tell my mate these he will get jacked of with these this guy can't take jokes.

[-HSV-]

hehe, go to google and search for holden jokes. you'll get thousands, seen all those ones before at least once ;)

[nos_neon]

BAHAHAHAHA.....THOSE R DA FUNNIEST JOKES EVA!!!! :D :D :D

GOT MORE.......POST MORE!!!!

CHOW CHOW!!

[V8 HSV]

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.


She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant

you three wishes."


The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed

to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you

wish for, your husband will get times ten."


The woman said, "That's okay", and for her first wish, she wanted to

be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do

realise that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome

man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to."


The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful

woman and he will have eyes only for me."


So, KAZAM! she's the most beautiful woman in the world. For her second

wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said,

"That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will

be ten times richer than you."


"The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's

his is mine." So, KAZAM! she's the richest woman in the world.


The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd

like a mild heart attack."


Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.


Attention female readers: This is the end of the email for you.

Stop here and continue feeling good.


Attention Male readers: Please scroll down.





....So the woman wished for a mild heart attack - well the man had a

heart attack ten times milder than his wife.



Moral of the story: Women are really dumb when they think they're

really smart. Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the

show!



PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this, it only goes to

show that women never listen!

[ozemuscle1]

hahaha, that was hilarious V8 HSV.

[kaylene long]

Loved the Ford jokes especially, always guaranteed a good laugh here. :lol: :D

[Wilko21]

OMG that is some funny s*%#!! SPEED KILLS: Drive a Ford and live forever.

Thanks for the new msn name mate! :D

[Generation Motorsport]

A young man goes out and buys the best car available: a brand new ferrari 550. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops for a red light. An old man on a moped (about 75 years old) pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?" The young man replies, "A Ferrari 550. It cost half a million dollars!" "That's a lot of money, "says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?" "Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the young dude proudly. The moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?" "No problem," replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then sitting back on his moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right...but I'll stick with my moped!" Just then the light changes so the guy decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 160 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoooossshhh! Something whips by him, going much faster!!!! "What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?!" the young man asks himself. He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the moped. Amazed that the moped could pass his Ferrari he gives it some more gas and passes the moped at 275 mph. Whoooooosh! He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him again. Astounded by the speed of this old guy he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph. Not ten seconds later he sees the moped bearing down on him again. The Ferrari is flat out and there's nothing he can do. Suddenly the moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear. The young man jumps out, and unbelievably, the old man is still alive!!! He runs up to the mangled old man and says "Oh my God! Is there anything I can do for you?" The old man whispers with his dying breath, "Unhook...my suspenders from your side-view mirror".

[Generation Motorsport]

A man pulled up next to a little girl walking home from school and said "If you get in, I'll give you a lollypop." The girl kept walking. Following along slowly, the man said "Come on and get in the car with me and I'll give you two lolly pops." She kept her eyes on the sidewalk and continued on her way. The man said "Get in with me and I'll give you this whole bag of lollypops!" Finally, the girl turned and said "Look daddy, YOU bought the Ford, YOU ride in it!!!"

[scotty]

funny stuff real comedians

http://thumbs.streetfire.net/7F70B3F8-BF22-40F7-AB0C-8533292AB744.jpg (http://videos.streetfire.net/Player.aspx?fileid=7F70B3F8-BF22-40F7-AB0C-8533292AB744)Click here to see Video (http://videos.streetfire.net/Player.aspx?fileid=7F70B3F8-BF22-40F7-AB0C-8533292AB744)

[scotty]

great stuff from our fellw humans(some people are just not meant to be!)


http://thumbs.streetfire.net/771C98B2-A95D-4509-8F60-57BB0FD18B57.jpg (http://videos.streetfire.net/Player.aspx?fileid=771C98B2-A95D-4509-8F60-57BB0FD18B57)Click here to see Video (http://videos.streetfire.net/Player.aspx?fileid=771C98B2-A95D-4509-8F60-57BB0FD18B57)

[-hsv008]

A man pulled up next to a little girl walking home from school and said "If you get in, I'll give you a lollypop." The girl kept walking. Following along slowly, the man said "Come on and get in the car with me and I'll give you two lolly pops." She kept her eyes on the sidewalk and continued on her way. The man said "Get in with me and I'll give you this whole bag of lollypops!" Finally, the girl turned and said "Look daddy, YOU bought the Ford, YOU ride in it!!!"

lmao...datz da best joke...very plain and simple and yet it getz out da point!

[Generation Motorsport]

While I was driving down the M4 the other day, (going a little faster than I should have) I passed under a bridge only to see a copper the other side with a radar gun laying in wait. The copper pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronising smirk, asked:
"Runway too short?"
To which I replied, "I'm late for work".
To which he asked, "What do you do?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher", I responded.
The copper was surprised and confused "A what? A rectum stretcher?? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"
"Well" I said, " I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in, work side to side until I get my other hand in, and then I slowly start to stretch the hole, until it's about six feet."
Then the copper asked questioningly and cautiously, "And just what do you do with a six foot *******?"
To which I politely replied," You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge....."

Speeding ticket: $105.00

Court costs: $45

Look on copper's face: Priceless

[mikegts]

HAHAHAHAHA fkn funnnnnny as GM nice one.

Here's one

Buy a Ford and you buy the best.
Drive the first mile and walk the rest.